Thankful

I miss blogging. I can’t believe I used to blog almost every day! I am tired today but want to take this opportunity to express my thankfulness during this season while I am sitting around being unproductive!  Come on people…I can’t turn off this crazy brain OK?

My heart is full today mainly because I survived this past week that had more things crammed in than is humanly possible.  In my prayer time a week ago, I felt like God told me this would be a week of celebration and zeal! I so wanted to believe but I had my doubts.  I was honestly just praying to God that I wouldn’t loose my marbles at least the ones I have left. 

It was BCS Homecoming and we were planning events that had never been done in the history of BCS! God used the Taylor family in a tremendous way! They had a fantastic idea to do a powderpuff game with the high school girls playing football and the high school boys cheering!  I was pumped and ready to do it!! It is always a scary thing to launch out and do something new!  People are always skeptical of new things and sit on the fence before they get onboard.  It irritates me very much!  It was frustrating to get the students to commit and I had my moments that I may gingersnap on them for being slackers!   

The Taylors were very patient and longsuffering and the event pulled together better than anyone could imagine!  The students finally got onboard and it was a tremendous success and something that will be an annual tradition at BCS!  My Bonnie posted pictures and said it was an event she will never forget!  The Jacksonville Jaguar drumline played and now we must figure out how to start a BCS Drumline!   The week ended with a magical Great Gatsby Homecoming Dance of epic proportions!  It was beyond anything BCS has ever done, so elegant and classy! The students were blessed beyond measure thanks to the hard work of the Taylor family!

My heart is also so overwhelmed because of the dear friends and co-workers that God has blessed me! Tina, Cara and Carrie love me no matter how psycho I act!  They talk me off the ledge.  They tell me to hush when necessary, bring me food and coffee and bail me out almost daily!  Carrie has taken on a bazillion jobs that she never imagined because she saw the need.  She is really doing a very minimum of what we hired her to do but passionately jumps in wherever she can help!  Beyond being an over the top, committed to a fault co-worker she is a kind and caring best friend who loves my kids maybe as much as I do!  She cares for them and loves them as much as her own kids.  

My mom had to be hospitalized over night and Carrie immediately took charge of Maggie’s trip to Daytona for Dance. She picked her up at 5 AM and got her organized and where she needed to be with no questions asked!  I made sure mom was OK, dashed down to Daytona and got to be wowed by the NancyDance Company performances!  She kept Maggie overnight for me and safely delivered her home!  I will never forget the love and kindness she showed me and my family.  What a gift of God she is to me in everyway! 

The reason I had to come home was I had committed to share the message in church because my Pastor was on vacation.  I recently went through a hard, personal struggle that was filled with self-doubt and a level of insecurity I have never experienced in my life.  I know without a doubt the church community that I stayed committed to is the reason I came through to the other side.  I have never been so consistently tormented night and day in everyway possible.  It was like a bad dream that seems unreal when I think about it with demonic attack after attack, problem after relentless problem, complaint after ridiculous complaint.  I have learned enough in my spiritual walk to reach out for prayer.  I asked those that love me to be praying over me and my family. The intercessors at church prayed without ceasing for me. Pastor Howard and the Elders at the church rallied around me, prayed and supported me like I never experienced.  The results were a sermon that was birthed in pain but I pray to Jesus that it will help other’s persevere in adversity.  That is the point of it all.  

We are in a terrible spiritual battle that is unseen to stop us from doing God’s will.  We forget.  I forgot and internalize why God was letting me suffer.  Why would he allow these relentless attacks and ridiculousness when I was doing what He asked me to do?  It was to mature me.  It was to grow me and it was to produce gold in my life.  Did I respond in the right ways?  Heck No.  I cried, I cussed, I had lots of pity parties but I did pray more than ever and I didn’t quit.   I learned how to stand firm and allow God to fight my battles, to vindicate me and to defend me and guess what He did!  I remember the day the Elders prayed over me.  The dark cloud lifted and my heart was again at peace and my joy returned.

I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for my spiritual family.  Not many people in today’s society have a network of faith-filled people who will stand with them in prayer!  I am blessed so much more than I deserve and want to thank God for the love He has given me, the friends that He has blessed me with, for my Pastor who supports me and my family who allows me to be in ministry. I know the battle wages on and I pray that I will remember how to stand strong!

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

For the Love

I had a mother of a dear friend visit recently.  After I mentioned how crazy my life is, she said that I looked like I had everything under control in my life according to Facebook.  I have thought about that a couple times and felt the need to shed some truth on my Wog life. Truth:  Everyday I fail at something.  I forget to do something, hallucinate that I did, and neglect to sign something vital for my kids.   I do believe that God has given me the ability to shake it off (thanks Taylor for stealing that phrase forever), to move on and to LET IT GO! (Thanks Disney for officially making me a cliché abuser!)  I honestly don’t have time to wallow in my failures but must move on because somebody needs me to drive them somewhere!

Last week a friend brought me the book by Jen Hatmaker, For the Love!  It has been such a tremendous blessing already and I am only on chapter 5.  I have heard myself laugh out loud…yes I mean LOL more than I have heard in a long, long time! My laughing has shocked my ears, which makes me sad.  I have obviously been under too much stress!  Jen's book feels like my inside voice released!!  We do have the five-kid thing in common which puts us in a rare, exclusive, insane group…(no we are not all like Ruth Graham or Joel Osteen’s mother!)  Each chapter I have read had a profound effect on me and has resonated within me long after I put the book down. I just know we would be BFF's if we weren't so dang busy!

Some highlights for me so far….When Jen was asked about how she balanced, work, family and community…I just LOVED her answer…balance is like a unicorn she said! “We’ve heard about it, everyone talks about it and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad but we haven’t actually seen one.  I’m beginning to think it isn’t a thing”.  Preach Sister!!  (I almost lost it yesterday when I saw a young girl rockin a unicorn shirt) I stopped years ago seeking balance…maybe after I personally birthed the 4^th or 5^th Wog!  I almost choke when I hear a mother complain about not ever having “ME TIME.”  I can’t even remember what that is like.  I think it’s awesome when moms manage this but I think staying focused on thankfulness is my secret to a happy life so far.

In Chapter 2, Jen talks about the joys of turning 40.  “Old Lady Hands!”  Oh my heavens have I thought the same thing…what in the world!!  You look down and its shock and awe in a bad way!   I could see really vain ladies googling hand transplants for sure after really processing Jen’s assessment.  I got a lot of good laughter medicine from that chapter!!

In Chapter 3, Jen gets all deep and surprised me but I may have clapped and given her a standing ovation during her description of “Calling”.  I hear people all the time talk about their “Calling” and sometimes it feels like a prison more than serving God, like they are restrained in their calling box.  I was “called” into the ministry when I was 19, got ordained and have served God in a thousand random ways through the last 20 something years.  Calling to me has been hard work, doing crap jobs and serving people most of the time when it is completely inconvenient and a sacrifice to my family and my time off!  I loved that she validated my feelings about what ministry really is.

Chapter 4 was an honest girlfriend chat about how almost NO ONE (except Jessica Alba) needs to wear yoga pants with no shirt covering their behind!  I know Yoga is all the rage but I think Jen is right on this one!  Chapter 5 is my favorite so far!  RUN YOUR RACE!!  I just bet Jen was a cheerleader!  I felt pumped up after reading this chapter.  She basically says quit trying to do all things and figure out what you are good at and freaking DO IT!  The thing that moved me the most personally was how she finally realized her humor is a gift from God that she doesn’t have to stifle herself  anymore.  I have always tried to restrain myself and the funny thoughts I have.  I know some of you faithful friends are like THANK GOD AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! Don’t worry or add me to your prayer list over this….I have plenty of real things you should focus on!  It just made me feel OK that sometimes I am pretty darn hilarious…at least to myself but less often to my kids the older they get!  I will continue to curb the inside voice and pray that Jesus will keep his holy filter over my mouth but I just felt like Jen gave me a nice hug and a pat on the back saying, crack that joke honey and I will laugh with you!

I see future For the Love blogs coming forth as I am moved through the rest of the book but wanted to encourage everyone to read this book even if you have found balance and you are a happy wife and homemaker who bakes, cleans and crafts, I feel certain there will be something profound for you!  I will be expecting a thank you note from Jen and a personal signed book thanking me for this free advertising I just gave her through my blog LOL!   I pray that God will keep blessing her and using her to release the psychotic pressure we crazy women put on ourselves in a million ways. I pray that she will keep reminding us to be each others cheerleaders more often than judging and offer more encouragement and love than every before!  Now to chapter 6!  Thanks Jen!!!  

Summer 2015

I was asked fall of 2014 to serve on a Principal Search Committee for Beaches Chapel School.  I was very honored.  I guess when you sacrifice to have five kids at a school, they think you will work hard to find a good principal.  It was a long journey filled with lots of processing, and tons of prayers.  What I didn’t know was through the process, a new school structure would be established and that I would be asked to take a new leadership role at BCS. 

I prayerfully considered this new role.  I resisted in my flesh at first and listed all the reasons why it was not a good idea.  I had recently said out of my mouth that I was never more fulfilled working at the church and serving on the pastoral staff with people I have known for 20 plus years. I felt like for the first time in a long time, I was in my place.  I should have known God was up to something if I was getting comfortable.  I knew it was to be when my dear prayer warrior friend gave me a word through tears that I was called to be a Bridge.  It haunted me.  I called Dan because I knew he would totally back me up and say NO WAY! He has always tried to protect me from overcommitting myself. His response made me queasy, “Who better than you?  No one has more love or the history at BCS.”  In my life, I have always been thrust into situations that required me to build or fix something.  

I don’t understand sometimes why I can’t just stay put.  What I do know is that I ALWAYS want to be smack in the middle of God’s will.  I never want fear or my own ideas of what is right for me or how comfortable I am to stop me from a new opportunity for God to use me in some new way.  The thing that I could not settle in my heart is my great love for BCS.  If I could have a part of preserving the history, the spirit and the heart of the school, than how could I say no?  I had 5 babies that also love BCS.  I had a feeling it would be hard work but I definitely underestimated that for sure.

We unanimously picked a new Principal and I would move forward in helping with the transition, much like a personal guide.  Looking back over the last 9 weeks, I could have never imagined what we have walked through.  We have had more surprises, departures, and conflicts than I could ever have fathomed. 

The most bizarre thing about our new principal is that I immediately connected with her in the brain.  It was like we were cut out of the same mold in the strangest of ways like how we stored our kids old school work and projects under our beds in Tupperware or how we are irritated by having to eat or sleep. I sometimes feel like I am reading her mind.  So much of my life I have felt like a misfit and have been told to calm down that I am too hyper, too bossy, too unrealistic, too ambitious, too something.  To meet another person who thinks like me about situations has been a surprise blessing I never expected.  It’s been a relief like I was wired this way and it’s OK. It sure cut a bunch of time that typically occurs when working with a new person.  It was immediately off and running, a short cut to getting things accomplished at a rapid pace.  

What I have experienced the summer of 2015….No wasted time, no fancy conversations, down to business, strong decisions, problem solving, progress, growth, little food, little sleep, lots of communications at all hours, LOTS of prayers, and miraculous answers. We have jumped fences, painted things and almost climbed ladders in high heels.  We have limped home and we have cried together, but somehow we bonded, God showed up and we started school. Our bodies took a beating but we have laughed over and over until we cried and have marveled so many times that “the lack of reality is astounding."

 

We have been truly blessed with the sweetest, hard working, dedicated, thoughtful, kind, Godly, faith-filled, servant staff members who have fed us, given us Advil, prayed for us, told us to quiet down when needed, gave us solutions, soothed angry people and said I am sorry and thank you a bazillion times. They co-labored all day, nights and weekends to be ready for the first day of school. When we went over the list of what was done the summer of 2015 to present to the elders, it was mind blowing!  It was the result of an all in team!  It was the fulfillment of our theme for the year, ‘Team Up for Success!”

Another personal miracle this summer was how my family rallied.  A sweet co-worker prayed for me one day that my family would lift burdens off of me over the summer.  I am so thankful that God answered that personal prayer too.  My daughters became incredible cooks preparing delicious meals, they did dishes and folded laundry.  They even delivered lunch to me at the office. Dan built furniture for the school and encouraged me everyday that we were doing a great job and it would be worth it when school started.  My mom filled in the gap with my kids and they made fantastic Lego cities at her house!  She delivered multiple meals to my house that were as beautiful as they were tasty!

God has allowed me to be a part of an amazing time at BCS.  We have record enrollment, a brand new gym, a fresh look for a new season!  This is the result of God’s hand working on our behalf.  He somehow decided to use two hyperactive ladies who could funnel their energy into His purposes.   I pray the result will be  lives changed for eternity.  What if I would have said NO?  What if I would have let the tormenting nights of doubt and fear hinder me from taking a leap of faith?  Then God would have used someone else to accomplish His will and I would have missed the most fulfilling and amazing summer of my life.  I have grown as a leader, learned that God truly provides everything you need and that new relationships can be the biggest surprise blessing of all. 

I’m relieved to have the Summer 2015 in the books and pray to never have another one like it again! We know people were rooting for us to fail but we know even more were on their knees praying for us to succeed.  To God be all the glory, honor and praise and Go Lions!

Wog Sports Vacation

There are many days when I look at my schedule and I have no idea how we are going to manage it.  I have people tell me to limit my kid’s activities but the reality is I have five kids and no matter what, it’s going to be hectic.  There is nothing more I enjoy than cheering on my kids at their various events.  However, by the end of May with all the additional school activities, I am about done and close to unleashing a serious ginger snap. 

Thankfully this year, we managed to slip in a quick, mountain trip over Memorial Day weekend.  It came together last minute and I was ecstatic to steal away with my babies who are quickly growing up.  The kids and I packed and we loaded in the Wog truck and off we went!  The first challenge to overcome is the car ride!  Thank you Jesus for technology!!!  We played games on the iPad and watched movies.  Of course we had a couple car sick vomit sessions but it wouldn't be a true mountain vacation without someone barfing!  

One thing I can say with complete confidence, is that going on vacay with the Wogs is never boring and always includes quite a bit of drama and fun.  This year they brought it all…and I mean all. When Bubba’s football bag was unpacked, an endless supply of sports came forth….football, basketball, frisbee, golf, baseball, bocce balls, & soccer. Oh…and even a scooter and several fishing poles were stashed in the truck! 

A friend texted me that they 
prayed I was having a relaxing time….I responded, “I have five kids.”  I am thankful for trips like this because my attitude is, I will rest when they are grown.  I want them to think back on their childhood and remember all the hilarious, adventurous, fun things we experienced together as a family.  The secret to a successful large family vacation is busyness.  You will have a full-blown brawl if you leave them unorganized. I have a spirited bunch of kids and I am not always talking about the Holy Spirit.  We hit the ground running and crammed in a ridiculous amount of activities. 

A couple highlights for me was when the kids decided to take rafts down a rushing stream.  I have Eddie’s petrified face, burned in my mind while he hung on to a rock for dear life.  He thought he would be lost forever down the stream but thankfully Dan yelled, “Just stand up, it’s only a foot deep.”  Yes, there were injuries, tears and even some blood and bruises. 

A true highlight was when Bubba and Annie decided to take a chance to go under the bridge and survived to the other side. They will never forget doing it and I will never forget being so relieved when they emerged unscathed on the other side. I will also never forget Bonnie standing 20 feet up on a fallen tree and my relief when she safely returned to the ground. Or when Bonnie went into a full sprint and successfully retrieved Ed’s rogue raft from being swept away!   Whewwww

I will never forget when Annie, Bubba and Eddie were diligently fishing and fishing and Maggie drops a stick with a line in by accident and hooks a fish much to their dismay.  Or when she hysterically cried that she had killed a fish when she saw some blood near the hook.  


I will never forget Eddie whizzing into crowded sidewalks on his scooter clearing the way as I pretended to not be his mother.  Or the time he snapped and went a little cray cray when I laid my gum on the top of his hot chocolate lid.  I quickly removed it, apologized and googled anger management classes for 7 year olds.  No one will forget the enthusiastic family baseball game with Dan’s obnoxious taunting “Easy Out” or when he accidently pegged Maggie with the baseball and her crumbling into tears over her injury.  I did notice people cautiously watching our game afraid to come to near.

The moments I savored the most were sitting by the pool watching my kids paddle board, rocking in rocking chairs with Dan eating VERY expensive local fish dip that I got bamboozled into buying.   I loved snuggling on the air mattress with my babies holding them close before they are too big to let me.  I loved taking long walks with the whole family ending with ice cream and smoothies.  My heart ached when we snacked on Pringles and my kids did duck faces just like I used to do with my Dad on mountain adventures.  Oh how I miss my Dad! My kids would have loved him so much!

I am so blessed, fulfilled, and 
thankful that God trusted me enough to allow me to raise these five unique, gifted, special, funny, smart kids. Yes I am perpetually exhausted, surviving on coffee and a whole lot of Jesus! What I know for sure is these years are flying by having my entire family unit together.  I try my best to value every moment together! I am happy I get to partner with Dan in this journey and even happier that he didn’t say one word when the kids had ice cream twice in one day! Yippee! #Fundad!

Why Church?

As I was suffering today getting through my Yoga exercise video, looking like a complete moron, I focused on the crosses on my wall.  To take my mind off of my exercise, I started pondering the cross, church and it’s importance in my life.  Pretty deep thoughts while balancing awkwardly in the warrior pose. 

I was overwhelmed with thankfulness that somehow in a miraculous way my family has weathered all the storms that have happened in my church experience over the last 40 something years.  They call it the Church Family for a reason.  It’s because the church has just as many problems as families do.  They disagree, they hurt, they gossip, they betray.  On the flip side, they love, they give, they pray, they serve, they forgive just like families do. It’s a true journey to join and stay a part of a church family for any length of time.  It comes down to a choice.  A choice to forgive and to stay planted. 

This morning I spend time wondering how my parents managed to stay in a church for my entire life and what fruit it has brought in my family as a result.  See…good things do come from yoga lol. I am not writing this to guilt anyone for not going to church because there are plenty of hard things I have had to overcome in my church experience but the good outweighs the bad. It may be the one thing I end up doing right in my parenting experience, being faithful to raise my kids in the house of God.

Today on Good Friday, I am first grateful that I have a Savior.  I am grateful that He willingly laid His life down for my sins.  He daily helps me choose His ways, which have made me a much better person than my selfish heart, wants to be.  I sense His presence when I am afraid.  I feel His comfort when I am hurt. I sense His peace when I am overwhelmed. I don’t serve a judgmental God who just wants to restrict me and control my life. He doesn’t desire to take away my fun.  My God has brought me freedom and joy.  He is my daily help in times of trouble.  He is my strength when I don’t think I can go on.  He is my hope when I see none.  He is the secret to my survival.  This is the God that I wish the entire world could know. 

How did I come to know my God in this intimate way?  It started by asking Jesus to forgive my sins and to come into my life.  I spend time with Him daily.  I have grown spiritually through my Church Family through regularly going to church, raising my family in church and not pulling our roots out when I was offended, bored, unchallenged, irritated, frustrated or discouraged.  If you have given up on your church, go back this Easter and commit and replant yourself again despite the ups and downs. It won't be easy.  All hell breaks loose at the Wogs house before church.  

Thank you Yoga for helping me focus on what is important today.  Thank you Jesus for loving me despite my crazy ginger self.  Thank you to my parents who never left the church family that God planted them in.  Great is your godly heritage because of your faithfulness…31 God serving family members to date.  And that is why I go to church every week.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

A Year Well Lived

“I don’t know how you do it”…is a statement I get very frequently referring to my Wog life.  I know exactly how I do it and it’s only by the grace of God.  I take nor deserve any credit.  I have learned to live each day focused on the tasks at hand.  Honestly my life scares me on a regular basis.  Questions like how am I going to coordinate all the kid’s activities, how am I going to afford to raise all these kids, am I making the right decisions for their futures?  I regularly feel like a parenting failure when I yell, loose my patience, don’t cook a well-balanced meal or don't cook at all.  When I leave dishes in the sink, beds unmade, and ignore the dog that really deserves a walk.  Life will beat the heck out of you if you let it. I could have a "guilt-driven life" for sure. I make no resolutions so that I won’t fail at that too.  I do have high hopes for the new year.  I hope and pray that I will make sure my kids know how loved they are, that I will laugh more and continue to ignore the things that don’t matter. 

 

I love making family memories and of course taking an abundant amount of pictures.  I only take pictures in a desperate attempt to capture and preserve every fleeting moment that I have my full family in tact. People pick on me about it, make fun of my endless posts but I say unfollow, defriend and hide me if you are not interested in my crazy Wog life.  I post for me.  I post to recount all my many blessings amongst the mass chaos.  I post to see with my own eyes the miracle that we are.  I force myself to keep moving, to keep trying and to always keep believing.  I battle to believe for the best every day.  I pray hard to stifle the fears that keep me up at night and that try to paralyze me from moving forward. I try my hardest to look past my disappointments, fears and opinions and believe that nothing is too hard for my God.  Every day I do my best to choose to believe for the best in those I live with, work with and deal with.  It’s not easy and I don’t always succeed but I will keep trying.

I read a book this week that said “my fears were replaced with experience."  That sums up my life.  My experiences haven’t been all good but my fears were false.  I know I am stronger than I think I am through my experiences.  I have seen the power that comes from my relationship with God.  I sold out a long time ago and I am not going back to trying to do things in my own strength.  I don’t want my fears to stop me. I want to be brave, to try new things and to believe for miracles.  Always.

Things I have learned...If you want to change the world, you won’t always have your house tiddy.  If you want to be available to be used by God to help others, your agenda has to be set aside.  If you want to do more and be more, you have to be flexible.  If you are going to do great things, your "to do list" will be unchecked.  For control freaks like me this is not good news at all.  But I say, let it go, (thank you Frozen) and look for opportunities everyday to love someone, pray for someone and to encourage someone.  To bring hope and life to another soul is the biggest reward of all.  If I can teach my kids to pray, to give, to live for others and to serve than I am a parenting success!  If I teach them to be selfish and self-serving than I have failed.  

As I look at my full families picture (that I didn’t post first by the way! :)  I see the fruit of a life well lived by my parents who chose to serve God at a young age and raised us in church.  Oh how the blessings have poured out over my family because of two peoples decision… a life of praying, loving, giving, serving and multiplying from generation to generation.  That is the legacy I want to continue in my Wog world.  It’s not always easy but that will be my hope and prayer for a truly happy new year!