Last Thursday was the last regular school day
for the senior class of 2017 at Beaches Chapel School, which includes my
firstborn, Bonnie! I haven’t been
feeling sentimental or emotional up until this day. I burst into tears despite my best effort to stay under
control and cried on and off all day.
Why am I crying? I pondered
that all day long. I know this
class is very near and dear to my heart but geez! I could not stop the water works. I have spent a lot of time with these students. I see such talent and leadership in
this class. I boo-hooed when I
posted the group picture that I took of them and cried when I told my mom about how
much I will miss them. Yes, it’s
my first child to graduate from BCS, the place I graduated from 30 years
ago. I get all that but the
emotions were ridiculous and inconvenient for sure.
I finally got through the day and got in bed
for the night. Dan was watching a
show on TV and I was scrolling through Facebook on my phone. I read an article a friend posted
titled, “What a Mother Really Wants on Mother’s Day” and I thought it would be
funny like, “for my kids to leave me alone and clean the house” kind of
stuff. NOPE! I was wrong. This article slayed me. The main point was all mothers want a redo, a chance to go
back and be a better mother. I sat
in bed with tears dripping off my chin in the dark. The article put the finger on why I am weepy. Although Bonnie has turned out better
than I ever could have hoped and has been such a blessing to mother, I know I
could have been there more for her.
I know I put too much work on her with me being pregnant and nursing for
a solid decade. I wish I would
have slowed down, laughed more, worried less and enjoyed raising her more than
I did. I was too tired, too
stressed, too overwhelmed much of her life. The article ended with saying that all mother’s need
GRACE. Amen to that!
The next day, I was recounting this article to
my dear friend Tina and again burst into tears telling her about it. She had a young adult friend in her
office that blessed me so much, more than she realizes. She quietly started speaking into my
life and saying that God never called parents to be perfect. He told us to lead our children to God. She praised me at how successful I have
been because my kids know the Lord and that He is all they really need in
life. He is the answer to all
their questions and the one who will never leave them or forsake them. I have thought about that for days and
have settled my heart on this truth.
I haven’t been perfect but I introduced all my babies to the perfect One
that will heal all of lives hurts.
I have faithfully kept them in church and showed them where our hope
lies. So to all you mommy’s out there, beating yourself up, feeling like a
failure, give yourself grace, lead your kids to the God and the perfect one
will fill in all of our parenting gaps! Thank you Lord!
