My Daughters....

My son Eddie and I watched the movie Suffragette tonight and it sent me into an introspective state.  I grew up with NO limitations.  I had amazing parents who gave me a firm foundation so that I never thought I was limited because I was a female...that thought was almost shocking.  When I entered into ministry and encountered denominational men in ministry, I realized that other female ministers had suffered with this archaic mentality.  They probably thought I was peculiar because I never related to their feminist cause….honestly it never crossed my mind because of my upbringing.

I never had to fight the female war because others went before me...Emily Wilding Davidson’s death was reported across the world and drew global attention to the fight for women’s rights.  I can’t even wrap my brain around being discriminated for being a female at the level that they suffered. When you have a father who loved and empowered you your entire life and made you feel like NOTHING was impossible to you, it’s hard to relate. When you have a husband who told people when you were dating that you were the “smartest person he knew” you go into adulthood feeling invincible and limitless. Sad that you encounter men along the way that revert to discrimination that is so foreign to you that you are shocked that they would even suggest you are lesser than because you were born a female.  

Lord have mercy….my God ALWAYS supported women in the Bible….look it up!!!!   I think about the account in the Bible when daughters who had no brothers asked for their father’s inheritance and Moses sought God and got the approval from God to grant them their request.   Or Deborah the JUDGE who commanded the Israelites and orchestrated a great victory or the time when Jesus empowered women to lead churches and to be leaders…..I have three daughters.  I will have granddaughters who should have limitless lives achieving whatever is in their hearts despite ANYONES opinion of what they are capable of... SO…if anyone asks me if I'm a feminist….I will say Yes….I am an EVERYBODYist….We are ALL awesome in God’s eyes, for my God does NOT discriminate….

Pandemic 2020

Never thought I would live to see a pandemic in my lifetime.  Seems like with all the advancements that we could have stopped such a thing…but I guess Bill Gates saw it coming.  It has been such a bizarre thing.  It started as something far away in China and for whatever reason most of us didn’t give it much thought because we feel invincible, but then we have a case show up in the US and we all start paying attention.   Luckily for us we had spring break, which would give us a chance to let sick people heal and to deep clean the school facilities.  Little did we know that this spring break would go on FOREVER!  For me as an administrator, I can’t believe our year is over.   That all that chaos in my office from the students stopping by or needing “counsel” which I know was sometimes….”get me out of class”. Regardless, I miss the kids. I miss my co-workers and their babies.  I miss routine. I miss athletic events. I miss our life, as we knew it.  

It has been quite unbelievable that every person on the globe is dealing with this virus. It has affected every business and changed the way we all live.  I never felt like going to the grocery store was life-threatening but now I am wearing gloves and I own a face mask for public outings.  There is a gloom that has settled over society especially when so many businesses are closed.  We can’t get our teeth cleaned and bless so many hearts, you can’t get your hair cut or colored, nails filled, waxed, spray tans or any of the beauty routines so many indulge in.  There are so many jokes going around how we are getting ready to see what people really look like.  I have noticed a steep decline in selfies online!   

I am believing that this epic global humbling has gotten our attention.  It doesn’t matter how educated or wealthy you are.  The virus does not discriminate.  All ages, races, and incomes levels are treated equal.  I think the world is ready for a revival.  May we all evaluate our lives and learn from this experience.  May we treat people more kind, may we value things we took for granted.  I hope we don’t forget too quickly and jump right back into a selfish life filling every waking moment with busyness.  I pray that many people will turn to God and trust THE higher power with our futures, livelihood and well-being and stop living like we don’t need a Savior.

Miraculously, Annie’s last age group championship was not canceled and she broke state records and surpassed her goals.  Unfortunately for her dear older swim friends, theirs got canceled just a few days later.  A years worth of hard work, qualifying times and focus, OVER, just like that.  All swim meets canceled, pools closed, parks closed, beach closed and pretty much everything not “essential”. Competitive, goal-setting people are lost and struggling more than I have ever seen.  The next goal structures their daily life.  I feel like I am lost in a sci-fi movie and have to remind myself everyday.  I haven’t opened my day timer that organized my every minute in months. There are literally no plans of any kind because we do not know when we will be set free into a safe world. 

Poor Maggie’s mission trip was postponed with no real plan of when that may be.  Her two dance competitions canceled, dance classes now online and their recital postponed.  All the things like Prom and her friend’s graduation canceled or postponed. Maggie has handled this excess of time by working out like a super freak.  She runs and works out like crazy.  We laugh that we will all be FAT or FIT by the time this is over and I can guarantee Maggie will be fit!   She has learned EVERY tiktok dance and fitness competitions.  I offered to be in one of their dances but for some reason, they declined my offer…  Maggie started doing her dance classes on Zoom and almost drove us crazy on Tap Class Night….we would stay outside or just ride around on our bikes to escape the tapping.  I am very thankful her studio figured out how to keep her dancing though.

Bubba’s spring break turned into freshman year OVER.  Thankfully he wasn’t that upset.  Bless his heart, he was so excited to go to the TPC like every day and only brought golf shirts. He only made it to one practice round before they canceled the whole thing.  Now he watches golf tutorials and putts on his little green.  Bonnie’s boyfriend Billy got an intense lesson in golf so Bubba and Billy may be a pro golfer by the time this over!!  Dan and Bubba had to drive to South Florida to collect Bubba’s belongings from campus.  He was sick of his roommate who actually was pretty dangerous when Bubba realized he had a gun in the room.  That was probably due to all the drug dealing he was doing. I can’t say I was that sad when Dan and Bubba were on their way home from moving Bubba out of the dorms. I am getting used to Bubba at home with the large quantities of food we go through and his late night hours. Oh and the laundry….Lord the towels!!

Poor Bonnie who is the hardest worker I have ever seen had been practicing almost everyday for their first trip to Cheer Nationals that was suppose to be in Daytona in April. She was so excited.  We all bought T-shirts and were so proud of this squad who she has cheered with for 3 years.  She would tell me how they were nailing their routines and we couldn’t wait to go cheer for these girls who are like our extended family. Of course Nationals got cancelled but not only that, JU classes were moved to online and she could not longer work at San Pablo Elementary for her internship.  JU ambassador program was suspended and the country club where she works closed. I thought she might have a meltdown because literally the child has her days scheduled from the crack of dawn until midnight. Thank God she took over homeschooling her three younger siblings like a boss.  She showed u the first day with labeled cubbies for their books, while board paper, files with their name and created learning spaces for each of them.  She gave them stars for completed assignments and brought them candy or ice cream for rewards. Bubba caught wind of their stars and being competitive had to get in on that.  So now Bubba also gets stars when he completes his COLLEGE assignments!  Whatever…I am just so grateful for my firstborn for doing what firstborns do…bring order! Bonnie has also been working hard with Eddie to stretch his calves down so he can get flat-footed again. He is making great progress and we are so proud!! 

So what do the days look like since quarantine has been mandated?  Well it started off kinda fun.  I NEVER have all five kids together anymore so that was amazing.  We started going to the beach every night and playing bocce ball and walking.  It was glorious, breezy and so fun!  We would run into to friends and chitchat. THEN…the mayor closed the beaches and we were all like WHAT??  Then they chained the park behind our house where we would have played in the field.  It’s probably for the best because of the amount of airsoft guns we have.  Someone may have lost an eye had it stayed open.  So with our circle getting smaller our backyard became the center of our days.  We did a bunch of yard work and trimmed everything up nice.  We reveled in the fact that all our tropical plants survived the nonfreeze winter we had and saved us hundreds of dollars in replacement plants.  Bubba hung up his hammock and between Bonnie’s and Bubba’s hammock we have been a swingin’.  Bubba’s trying daily to blow the falling leaves away to no avail…surely they will stop falling soon.  We track the big owl that sits in our trees or basketball rim stalking squirrels.  He is one spooky creature looking into our souls. We have loved seeing the two white fuzzy baby owls and the fights when the crows come too close.  And walks…Lord knows we have taken some walks.  The dog just wants to be left alone but is getting some much needed exercise.  Through our copious amount of walks, we have seen so many neighbors and have all simplified our lives more than we were prepared too. 

I worked in the office some but mostly do video conference calls to keep things rolling.  The most normal thing was, of course, is that Dan still goes to work.  Apparently there has been no change in financial rules so he’s the lucky one who gets to carry on despite our global crisis.  He recently started staying home a couple days of week and alternating with a co-worker.   He did have to do his Zoom calls outside because every other room had a videoconference going.  The big almost daily challenge is hunting food.  I think that is the thing that may be scared me the most, not the virus but trying to feed seven of us three plus times a day.  They are plowing through more food than I thought possible.  Eggs, meat, milk and toilet paper are scarce.  We feel like we hit the jackpot when we locate some of the shortage items.  We actually locked up the fridge to manage their intake.  Maggie has cooked some magnificent concoctions and I have done dishes for DAYS…. Annie obsessively cleans our pool. 

Eddie is thrilled that Bubba lets him play his Xbox and plays basketball with him too. Eddie has turned into the Lizard King (not to be confused with Tiger King on Netflix….).  He put several in the mailbox and when we get the mail, they say SURPRISE.  We also take a ton of bike rides to his favorite place…Maw Maw’s house.  We have “porch” visits because of social distancing.  He continues catching lizards and feeding squirrels mushroom and training them to go into the hole in one of Mom’s trees.  We are quite annoyed that ripped up sidewalk off Hagler is a death trap to cross to Mom’s street but so far so good!  

The highlight for Bonnie and Annie is getting to go with cousin Isaac and Uncle Mike to the gun range but it did make Annie ask for a 12-gauge shotgun for her birthday…NO! It broke up the daily routine of exercise and swinging in the hammocks.  We ended that day taking our chances with Popeye chicken sandwiches frankly because to cook again was too much for any of us.  We watched an intense game of street hockey and when I went inside…it morphed into airsoft war!  Sorry Neighbors!!   The kids created a game called Pool cricket in the pool, which never disappoints if you are a spectator. 

With us being quarantined with no church to go to on Easter, we decided to go to the River with all our kids and their significant others.  With us now having adult kids, it’s very difficult to get them all together and it’s actually been two years since we have all been together.   Dan was skeptical if we could find enough food for 9 people for three days.  Thankfully, I ventured out and God was good to me. I got almost everything I needed! We packed more food than we have ever taken and hauled it all to the River.  The kids were driving separate which always makes me nervous but thankfully arrived safe and sound!   The kids decided on an airsoft Easter egg hunt so that was something to be afraid of/look forward to depending on what team you are on. I was so thrilled to have everyone there!  They kayaked and Billy even jumped out of the big tree.  They had a practice airsoft game in preparation for Airsoft Capture the Bunny.   The first night we made a fire and did smores, took a nice walk and played a crazy card game of spoons.  

The kids got up and started prepping for the big “war”.  I filled two big plastic bunnies with candy and each team was supposed to defend their bunny and steal the opposing team's bunny.  The kids prepped for this all week.  Ordered new guns and bullets and coordinated their black clothes.  Bubba’s team consisted of Annie, Maggie and his girlfriend Emily who was a very good sport to participate with these competitive freaks.  Dan, Eddie, Bonnie and her boyfriend Billy were the other team and they did not strategize or plan much at all.  Bonnie kept offering to give her gun away and bow out. We enjoyed a HUGE Easter brunch with more food than we ever served at the River and then the kiddos started to depart which always makes me sad. All and all I know this is precious FORCED time together with the people I love the most.  What I realized and I think my kids have also that you really don’t need much to live.  

Despite the mandatory quarantine due to the global pandemic, our postman scolded, threatened, wrote notes, honked and harassed us about all the cars at our house like we could help it. We did the best we could not blocking the mailbox with 7 of us working and doing school from Home. We put cones to mark the 30 feet he said he needed and the rain kept washing them away. Dan finally snapped, killed the yard and slapped in a driveway. I was not in favor of this but Dan and the kids worked so hard with blisters on their hands. We sure hope the postman is happy now that restrictions are being lifted and we won’t all be stuck at home anymore!

And with that project completed, still being quarantined with too much time on our hands….then came the Putting Green Pitch!  Bubba campaigned HARD with a 20-slide power point.  Some of my extended family would ride over to check out all of our crazy rock projects and IMMEDIATELY supported the new idea, which didn’t help Dan stand firm on his NO!  I have to say we were very impressed with Bubba’s research, perseverance, tenacity and “drive” to get it done! LOL He fundraised and built the putting green in the back yard in a week. Of course Dan pitched in because he wanted it done “right” and Annie was Bubba’s personal assistant throughout the project.  He even did a ribbon cutting ceremony….Lord let him go back to work soon so we can rest! 

The end of May finally brought the end to the school year and I have to say I am Sorry not sorry that remote learning is finally over! I am so extremely thankful for Bonnie and Billy who taught many lessons and helped the kids push through on hard days. Very nice to finally see my table again! Prayer, pool, walks, baby owls, beach, nice weather, hammocks, streaming shows, helped us surviving quarantine with 7 of us.  Eddie matured so much and was the most enjoyable thing about our time together! Dan gets up early everyday and asked me for weeks to go see the sunrise with him….I was like WHAT?  Finally after a string of sleepless nights I got up and made him so happy!  I did feel like I needed a nap by 10am though.  

Now restrictions are being lifting and we are going back to work and resuming our former lives. Makes me a little sad because scaling back our busyness and simplifying life is something I will be forever grateful for and something I will never forget.  I pray those we love stay healthy and that we will all live to tell our grandkids about the pandemic of 2020.  Until then…we pray and we hunt for food and TP! Let’s just all pray like crazy that 2020 has mercy on us and we have NO hurricanes or disasters the rest of this historic year!! We’ve had enough excitement to last. Happy Summer Everyone!!

This is 50

Well the dreaded milestone is here.  Only dreaded because of the sound of it.  When you enter the decade your father died in, you change.  Your perspective changes.  Your priorities change and relationships change.  You want to make the most of every minute you have left on the clock. You want to spend it with people you enjoy and you want peace.  You are over the foolishness and the fakes. You don’t want to hash things out anymore.  You want to make a difference, as much as you possibly can before your life on earth is over. You think about your legacy or if you will even have one.  You start to value things you never considered before.  You focus.  

Last year was hard. I thought it would be grand. It absolutely had grand moments but things broke my heart. People wounded me and shocked me. Life caught me by surprise and I am still sorting it out and may never understand.  It’s OK.  Time will heal and life is grand.

What are my goals for this next decade?  Simple.  I want to love my family and keep them close. They have become my best friends and favorite people.  I want to help them figure things out because life is hard.  The pressure and expectations are way too much. I want to let go of relationships that cause me pain.  I want to value my time and spend it making a difference not keeping everyone else’s agenda for me.  I want to encourage young ones to keep going and to push past their fears. I want to ignore the petty, the meaningless and the things that waste time.  I want to laugh, experience and enjoy every single moment.  I want to remind myself that God will cover all my mistakes at parenting, at work, at life.  I have realized the older I get the less I know and I don’t need to know the whole plan just take the next step.  

As I look ahead, I am grateful.  I am so blessed. No matter what I face, I know God will help me navigate. He is the best counselor, friend and leader we could have. He is enough. So bring on the next decade.  I am ready.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You,because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

Launch

Three months ago I launched my firstborn into her college dorm and out of my house. Everyone says how fast life goes but this experience was just shocking. You know your job is to raise a responsible adult that makes good decisions but you don’t like it when it happens. I purposed in my heart to make it fun and exciting and not to be an emotional wreck making her feel guilty for leaving home. We really did have a great time setting up her dorm and I was genuinely excited for her.

What I have learned is the experience of Bonnie being at college has opened up a whole new world for our family. She is a college cheerleader and we have been so proud of her hard work and dedication. Her schedule has been grueling but she is making it work. It has been an amazing experience sitting on the sidelines of your child’s life and watching them live their dream. Bonnie has cheered her entire life and always dreamed of being a college cheerleader. She didn’t think it would happen for her but she never gave up. Instead of loosing Bonnie we have met the most precious young ladies who we already love dearly.

This past week Bonnie came home to stay for a few nights over Thanksgiving break. My heart was full and my peace of mind was at an all time high. I know she will never be as dependent on us again and knows how to live on her own. But there is something indescribable about having all your babies under the same roof, safely tucked in their beds. Our family was whole and I just wanted time to stop and us exist all together with no hectic busy schedule in the way. We resumed staying up late talking and playing some weird text game the kids love. It was simple and magical all at the same time.

I cherished our few days all together more than I can say. I took as many pictures as the kids could tolerate. As I hurried to finish Bonnie’s laundry and helped her pack her car to go back to her dorm, I started feeling myself getting emotional and wanting to cry. I just wanted to keep my girl home forever. I didn’t want to watch her drive away from us back to her new life. I hugged her and let her go and forced myself to contain my emotions.


The reality is I can fight my kids growing up and focus on my loss of them in my daily life or I can embrace every season and not ruin the current state of things. I choose to be grateful that I was blessed with so many wonderful babies and so many special times. I choose to release them when the time comes and not to hold them back for my own comfort. I choose to be thankful that God picked me to be their mom but I am sure counting down until Christmas break comes and my firstborn returns home to us again!

My 18th Mother's Day 2017

Last Thursday was the last regular school day for the senior class of 2017 at Beaches Chapel School, which includes my firstborn, Bonnie!  I haven’t been feeling sentimental or emotional up until this day.  I burst into tears despite my best effort to stay under control and cried on and off all day.  Why am I crying?  I pondered that all day long.  I know this class is very near and dear to my heart but geez!  I could not stop the water works.  I have spent a lot of time with these students.  I see such talent and leadership in this class.  I boo-hooed when I posted the group picture that I took of them and cried when I told my mom about how much I will miss them.  Yes, it’s my first child to graduate from BCS, the place I graduated from 30 years ago.  I get all that but the emotions were ridiculous and inconvenient for sure.

I finally got through the day and got in bed for the night.  Dan was watching a show on TV and I was scrolling through Facebook on my phone.  I read an article a friend posted titled, “What a Mother Really Wants on Mother’s Day” and I thought it would be funny like, “for my kids to leave me alone and clean the house” kind of stuff.  NOPE!  I was wrong.  This article slayed me.  The main point was all mothers want a redo, a chance to go back and be a better mother.  I sat in bed with tears dripping off my chin in the dark.  The article put the finger on why I am weepy.  Although Bonnie has turned out better than I ever could have hoped and has been such a blessing to mother, I know I could have been there more for her.  I know I put too much work on her with me being pregnant and nursing for a solid decade.  I wish I would have slowed down, laughed more, worried less and enjoyed raising her more than I did.  I was too tired, too stressed, too overwhelmed much of her life.   The article ended with saying that all mother’s need GRACE.  Amen to that!

The next day, I was recounting this article to my dear friend Tina and again burst into tears telling her about it.  She had a young adult friend in her office that blessed me so much, more than she realizes.  She quietly started speaking into my life and saying that God never called parents to be perfect.  He told us to lead our children to God.  She praised me at how successful I have been because my kids know the Lord and that He is all they really need in life.  He is the answer to all their questions and the one who will never leave them or forsake them.  I have thought about that for days and have settled my heart on this truth.  I haven’t been perfect but I introduced all my babies to the perfect One that will heal all of lives hurts.  I have faithfully kept them in church and showed them where our hope lies. So to all you mommy’s out there, beating yourself up, feeling like a failure, give yourself grace, lead your kids to the God and the perfect one will fill in all of our parenting gaps!  Thank you Lord!

Father's Day 2016

The dog woke me up licking my feet.  It’s one of the most irritating things to me.  I had so many years of babies waking me up and now we have a dog that has taken on the task.  It did afford me the time as I wrestled to go back to sleep to think about Father’s Day.  I thought about my Daddy and how much I miss him but how loved I was.  I thought about Dan and what an incredible father he is to our five kids.  When you marry someone, you take so many chances.  They may be nice to you and you may get a long great while you are dating but you never know what will happen when you merge two lives together, not to mention adding five kids in the mix!

Dan and I always had the best time.  I am still not sure why we get a long the way we do.  We are not opposite personalities. We are both babies of the families full of opinions.  One of the things I have always appreciated is our sense of humor.  We are both sarcastic and we laugh a lot.   With the hectic life we created, you either laugh or cry. One of the things I have always loved about Dan is he doesn't worry. I am sure he does to some extent but he never obsesses about problems, or fixates on them like I do. He doesn’t freak out in the night and stay up trying to figure things out.  He doesn’t panic on how we are going to raise these kids and move importantly, how we are going to feed them!  He truly takes one day at time like the Bible instructs us to.

People marvel at how we keep up with all of our kid’s activities.  I chose wisely in picking my kid’s father!  Dan grew up in a house with two hard working parents and so that is what Dan knows to do.  He also grew up in a house where his parents were true partners, not segregated in their typical roles.  His mom worked and his dad did most of the cooking.  It just worked best that way.

Dan has been the hardest working father I have ever known.  He is passionately committed to helping his kids reach their goals.  He puts them first everyday.  He has laid aside the things he wants and loves to do in order to accommodate his kids and their activities. When I met Dan, he played golf almost everyday and was really good.  He used to play golf every Friday with my Dad while he was in college.  Now he will go years without playing and never complains.   

He sold a nice car he loved dearly in order to cover the kid’s expenses for the things they are involved in. Our vacations surround our kid’s sports.  He buys them the gear they need and rarely buys nice brands for himself anymore.  The biggest shock of all is he is now a faithful grocery shopper at Walmart because the prices are so cheap and we buy so much food. He fixes everything, builds things and is never afraid to tackle any challenge.

I am so glad I took a chance marrying a guy still in college.  I remember hoping he would be a hard worker when he graduated college but I had no idea how hard he would work.  This life is much bigger and wild than we would have ever dreamed. It is filled with individual, unique, spirited, strong, opinionated children who have known the sacrificial love of a Daddy who would do whatever it takes to provide and protect them.  

He is not easy on them.  He makes them work hard.  He doesn’t allow them to be disrespectful.  He makes them keep their commitments and expects them to do well in school.  He is always there for them and they know above all else that he will do anything for them.

One of the most important things I believe that Dan has taught them is how to love their mother.  I heard a sermon recently about Deborah in the Bible who was a Judge.  She was a leader but was also a wife. Sometimes people act like you can’t do both.  There are still so many men in the world that resist women leaders.  They may not say it because it’s not politically correct anymore but they make it clear they would rather work with men and have the women just make their coffee.  They have the attitude like they are forced to tolerate the women leaders in their life.  

Dan has fostered an environment in our home where he celebrates my leadership, believes in me, listens to me and cheers me on. When I was asked to be the Chairman of Board and was nervous about it, Dan is the one despite our ridiculous schedule encouraged me to do it.  Dan is the one who pushed me to take a new leadership role last year knowing it would be time consuming and difficult for our whole family.  Dan is the one that on a crazy busy weekend of multiple kid activities thought I should officiate a wedding and was willing to help me manage all the kids to make it possible. 

My prayer is that my girls will never marry a man that doesn’t believe in their leadership and who supports the call of God on their life.   My prayer for my boys is that they will love their wives like they have watched their Dad do and never limit them or diminish their gifts and talents.  

Dan has taught them love and devotion in marriage and in our society that is probably the best gift of all for my children.  Oh and he has also shown them how important it is to hone your coffee making skills.  He has made me coffee almost everyday for 21 years even though he doesn’t drink it.  Now that is true love!  I am so thankful that Dan is the father of our five incredible kids.  When I found out I was pregnant for the fifth time, someone told me that God trusted Dan and I enough to allow us to raise and train up five kids.  I can see now that Dan was truly the man for the job and I am forever grateful!  Happy Father’s Day Dan!

 

Mother's Day 2016

The sad reality is that I never blog anymore.  I truly love it. It’s like therapy to unleash my inner thoughts and feelings with no one rolling their eyes, judging me or telling me to calm down. When I am stressed and exhausted, I have no energy to blog.  My brain can’t produce any intelligent thoughts by the end of the day. That’s basically been my daily feelings for the past year. Well, today is my day.  I have the mother’s day right to be in my bed, to not be productive and to lounge around doing whatever I want.  The kids are restricted from complaining and asking me to do anything and it’s pretty fantastic. Well, except Eddie who thought it would be a good idea for me to get him a prize for all the cleaning he did.  He is quite aggravated with this restriction on his mom slave.  

Bless Dan’s heart.  He always puts way too much effort into mother’s day despite the fact that I tell him EVERY year, that I don’t want gifts and I don’t want to go out. I want to sleep and have the kids clean the house only.  I nice thoughtful note from the kids thanking me for my hard labor would be a bonus.  He can’t help himself.  He always blows it out of the park to bless me with awesome gifts that I love and that I totally don’t need.  I think I disappoint him with my lack of social fun.  I always want to stay at home and not have to work hard to look presentable. It’s getting more and more difficult as the years tick by.  I have skin cancer scars, age spots, freckles to hide every day and gray hair that I have resorted to plucking.  I know nothing about hair dye and I am scared to try based on the freaky deaky fake red hair that I have seen. So tonight it’s the real deal, the real me with no disguise. Sorry family you have to suffer through…it’s mother’s day weekend!

People give me a lot of credit when my kids do something great or thoughtful or generally behave themselves. I honestly don’t feel like we can take any credit. Dan and I didn’t set out with parenting goals or skills. Day by day we are stumbling through this parenting thing and sometimes we are just awful. We say hateful things, inappropriate things, immature things, selfish things….I truly am thankful there are good things in all my kids. It’s only because of a gracious God who covers us and helps us despite our shortcomings.  Speaking of shortcomings…one cool thing that I didn’t plan or anticipate was the fact that because of the areas I lack, my kids have actually taken up the slack.  The fact that I forget about dinner many days and that 7 people need to eat has caused Maggie and Bonnie to be pro-active.  So many times, over the last year since I went to work full-time, my girls have meat frying in the pan when I come in from one of my kid drop-offs.  They are so much better at cooking and being creative in the kitchen than I have ever been. That was quite a surprise parent win.  I could pretend that I did it on purpose but we all know that’s not true. Accidental positive result from sucking.

Last night, my heart was flooded with shock, love and joy.  My house was a hot mess when I got home from a long day.  I had a busy week and was out almost every night.  Dishes everywhere, laundry and shoes scattered everywhere and I was totally wiped out.  I tried to will myself to get busy and to bust a move like I would normally do but my legs hurt so I opted to sit down for 30 minutes.  While I was at YQL, Bubba, Annie and Eddie went above and beyond and cleaned like I didn’t know they had the capacity to do. I am not sure they should have rocked it so much because now I know what they are capable of!  It was like a miracle when I opened the door, exhausted and ready for bed.  I stood stunned staring at a mother’s day sign made by 15 year old son…..what?  I didn’t cry but I should have. I am a little now writing about it. Moments like this make me so happy and confident that they are going to grow up to be just fine.  

The one thing I have tried to do right is to show my kids love, dedication, hard work, to love God and how to pray.  I truly believe that if my kids know God and depend on Him than the skies the limit for their futures.  God fills in the gaps that parents leave.  God makes up for our deficiencies and gives us His power to accomplish things we could never do on our own. God is the difference maker towards a life of success. Today while I am reflecting on my 17 Mother’s Day, I give a shout out to Dan for being the best unconventional Dad, by grocery shopping, making breakfast and lunches and being our kid’s biggest fan. I give an even BIGGER shout out to God for helping me get this far in my Motherhood journey.  Next year, I will launch my first baby into legal adulthood and I feel confident that they will all totally soar out of the coop with God propelling them wherever they go and that makes it the best mother’s day ever!