People ask me constantly
what I am going to do with myself now that all five kids are in school. My first thought is to recover. I think I had a mini-break down last
night. “Mini” because I was too
tired to have a real one. I didn’t
have the energy to cry. I just
layed down and put a pillow on my head and faked sleep so my kids wouldn’t talk
to me. I am not one of those moms
who is thrilled when the kids go back to school. Yes, I will appreciate the break and will enjoy the quiet time
but my Fall schedule is such that I kind of want to run away. I physically don’t know how I am going
to manage it. I am very grateful
for grandparents close by but I still have to be the one to keep the kid’s
schedule in order. We will have YouthQuake
Live, dance, cheerleading, gymnastics, soccer, swimming and football as their
extra-curriculars. Then you throw
in tedious, detailed homework and projects, plus Ed’s therapy appointments for
his toe-walking. People frivolously tell me to cut things out that the kids are
involved with. I think to myself
is it really fair to cut their activities that they love because I had a large
family? My guilt will not allow me
to punish my kids for my choice to have five kids.
My first order of business
is to find my own daily routine. I have always faithfully maintained a quiet
time and it has become my secret for survival. Almost a year ago, I began listening to God and typing out
what I feel like he is saying to me.
I am pretty ticked that I waitied until I was in my 40’s to start doing
this. I always feel like I have to
be productive and read the Bible and do Bible studies, which I still do, but to
sit quietly and listen is almost painful for my wound up self. God soverignly tells me what to expect,
what’s coming and how to respond in the right way. He encourages me, lifts me up and gives me hope. I have been through some rough, sad
things the past few months and had God not prepared me and told me they were
coming, I know I wouldn’t have had the faith to press on. I am so grateful and addicted to this
communication and wish everyone that is a Christian would start this habit,
preferable the day you get saved.
It has been life changing.
My other top priority is weekly prayer. I have been going for 4 years to a prayer group on Wednesday
nights. I barely roll in every
week, typically completely hurried and stressed. When I sit and pray for an
hour for other people, it calms my spirit down and allows me to regain some
peace. I am forever grateful for
prayer warriors who pave the way for God to move and to do miracles!
I am now in charge of
walking the dog and I have to say, she actually saw a squirrel today and didn’t
even chase it. I called Dan and
told him and we lamented like psychos that we seem to be domesticating
her. Dan said all we need to do is
to take her to the River and let her hunt for a weekend to remind her of her
purpose. Yeah, we are weirdo’s I
know! I am also dedicated to doing
daily Yoga not because I am one of those creepy flexible types, but because I
believe it saved me. I had a
freakish illness a couple years ago that never got diagnosed where I lost
feeling in legs and arms, had trouble breathing and had vertigo type feelings. I started doing Yoga and I slowly
got back to normal and felt better mentally about myself too! I don’t like clutter but every drawer
and closet is overflowing and I intend on changing that. I clean out constantly but with 5 kids
in 2 bedrooms it’s almost impossible.
Every kid needs some stuff but multiplied by 5 and it looks exorbitant. I pray that God helps me in this
area!
I have come to the
conclusion that if God doesn’t multiple my time, bring things to my remembrance
and give me supernatural wisdom on how to organize my life, I am sunk. God has faithfully been there for
me. I have lived a life, always in
over my head. If God doesn’t show
up and do miracle, I would have crashed and burned so many times!! I am choosing this day, to get in
faith, to seek God first everyday, to exercise and to believe that with God all
things are possible. He didn’t
give me these 5 kids to abandon me.
He promises to never leave or forsake us and I am dependent on God’s help
to guide and raise these children to be all that God has called them to be!!
Can I get an Amen?? :)
No comments:
Post a Comment